Gratias Mea

So this week we are supposed to write a sex story or a story about our sexuality. Well I guess I am going to take a kind of odd road with my story. For some reason I don’t find it at all hard or strange to share this with you guys.

Let me start my story off with saying that who we are is always part of who we were, where we have been, and who was with us. I will also be the first to say I am that girl who searched the world to fill a hole that can never really be filled by any other person than the one who made it.

Let me tell you guys about my first boyfriend. We went to church together. We saw each other in passing at school. We only saw each other in passing because I was in the eighth grade while he was a senior. You may say wow that is a big age difference but it didn’t matter to me. It didn’t seem to matter to him either. 

Don’t ask me how or why but there was a connection between us that I had never felt with anyone, and to this day I have not had that connection with anyone. We never did anything more than hold hands. He would kiss me on my forehead every now and then. He was always a gentleman.

Needless to say we ended things because age did become a factor. We have stayed friends and I search all over the place for somebody to make my heart feel the way he did. I never found it. I found friends and I found guys never found a first love again.

I thought I had lost my best friend until one night he came to my rescue once again. I think holding a hysterical 17 year old. My two very close friends were killed in a car accident and that night he came and held me while I cried. Unlike other guys he never once took advantage of my vulnerability. He just held me and let me cry. That was a long time ago seems like. But even now thanks to him and that night I realize it isn’t about what I can give to somebody or what they can give me.

Years past and we lost touch then just like always we picked up right where we left off. He still holds me when I cry and gives me hope when I don’t have any. I will gladly say yes we still have a connection like I have never had with anyone else. The one thing he has taught me is that I am beautiful and loveable on my worst days and that I am in control of which I have in my life and in my bed. Because of him and this class and the others I am taking I have found a new sense of self. I am in charge of my sexuality and my sexuality is not a bad thing. It is natural and part of me.

I guess that is a long story for a simple thing. People we are around have an impact on our sexuality. Whether it be out parents, our friends, our lovers, our teachers everybody has an impact on our sexuality and they help make it to what it is.